Bruce Cameron is a humor writer for the Rocky Mountain News, and his essays appear in Time, Newsday, and on NPR's "Car Talk." He lives in Evergreen, Colorado, with his wife, two teenage daughters, and a teenage son.
(Rule #1: if you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.)If your little girl has moved out and a teenager has taken her place, this book will help you do something you probably thought was not possible in your situation: laugh.
), teen "logic" ("I asked if I could go out with Lindsey and you said no, so I went out with Courtney"), and, of course, dating, which leads to the 8 Simple Rules. Wonderful oneliners as "In my opinion a daughter's underwear has the same purpose as the police: to preserve and protect" And about underwear...
(Rule #1: if you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.) If your little girl has moved out and a teenager has taken her place, this book will help you do something you probably thought was not possible in your situation: laugh. Thong underwear is about as sensible as wearing a slingshot"W.
Follow the advice contained in this book and remain focused on your goal, which is to get the teenagers moved out of the house before they breed and the whole cycle begins again.
(Some sociologists decry the loss of the "generational home," where grandparents, parents, children, and grandchildren all live under the same roof.
Life's a contact sport, dads will argue, so a few non-fatal bruises along the way merely toughens the body and steels the soul.
If a daughter fails to save enough money to purchase a homecoming dress, why, then, she doesn't get a homecoming dress! Having a teenage daughter puts you in what is commonly referred to as a "punting situation." However, there is no receiving team on the field, so you're going to have to carry the ball yourself.
If you are experiencing some of the above warning signs, do not panic.
Bruce Cameron was born in Petoskey, Michigan in 1960.
He sold his first short story when he was 16 years old to The Kansas City Star and was paid .00.
But if I am, indeed, surviving the experience, perhaps I can share with you some of the knowledge I have so painfully gained over what has been more than half a decade of tears, hormones, and stress fractures.
If you've had a baby, or are engaged in breeding, I will tell you what you have to look forward to.