I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning? Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink.
Stick to the case, please."Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?
The man says "Yes", and the robber shoots him, He asks a woman, "How about you"?
"No, but my husband did."-------A woman asks her friend why her divorce was so messy. My husband."-------A married couple, both with cell phones were shopping, when he disappeared."Honey, where are you?
Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed.
I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
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I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand.
Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny -- I have the same problem."One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away.
K., then just a pint of chocolate."Attendant: "Sir we're out of chocolate."Yokel: "Alright, I'll have a chocolate ice cream cone."Attendant: "Sir, can you spell the straw in strawberry."Yokel: "Certainly, s t r a w."Attendant: "Very good sir, can you spell the van in vanilla."Yokel: "Sure, V a n."Attendant: "Now can you spell the **** in chocolate."Yokel: "But there is no **** in chocolate."Attendant: "Exactly sir, now you've got it."-------A couple walks into a fancy restaurant when the mater de asks if they have reservations."No, we definitely want to eat here."Wife texts her husband on a cold winter's Morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."Wife texts back 5 minutes later:"Computer really screwed up now."A Dog Named Sex Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex." He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. "Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."When I married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me.